There is no shortage of advice on the internet about how to network with people you’ve never met before. But what about reconnecting with someone you already know—someone who used to be a weekly or even daily presence in your life, but whom you no longer talk to, even though you wish you did?

It happens to many of us. You were close with someone at one point in your life. Perhaps this person was a mentor who guided you through your first leadership role, or a colleague you genuinely enjoyed working alongside. Then one of you changed companies, went to graduate school, or moved across the country, and before you knew it, years passed without talking.

Reaching out after that much silence can feel awkward. So, many people never reach back out at all, simply to avoid the discomfort.

However, let the research motivate you to choose a different path. Research on dormant ties suggests that reigniting old connections can be a more powerful way to fuel your career than cold networking or forming new relationships. Yet some of us hesitate because we don’t know where to begin.

Barb Betts is a human connection expert, keynote speaker, and the author of The Relationship Advantage . She says that people hesitate to reconnect because of the (usually untrue) stories we tell ourselves. “I think we make the silence mean more than it does,” Betts said. “We tell ourselves: It has been too long. This is going to be awkward. They are going to wonder why I am reaching out now. Maybe they will think I want something.” But, Betts says, there is a very good chance the other person has thought about you too and simply has not gone first.

What we often get wrong is assuming our outreach will feel intrusive when, in many cases, it feels meaningful. People like knowing they were remembered.

Here is how to restart a professional relationship authentically.

Email is usually the best way to reconnect because it gives the other person time to read your message and respond on their own schedule. Text can work if that was how the two of you communicated when you were close. As a general rule, use whatever form of communication you relied on when the relationship was active. Showing up in a channel you’ve never used together can feel disorienting for the receiver.

Lead With An Apology (If Appropriate) And A Memory

Open by taking ownership of the silence if you played a role in letting the connection lapse. A simple and sincere line works best, such as “I’m sorry I let so much time pass” or “That’s on me for never replying to your email last year.” Then help them remember you by referencing something specific you shared, like the project you launched together or the advice they gave you before a big presentation. According to Betts, one of the biggest mistakes people make with reconnection is thinking they need a perfect reason to reach out. A perfect reason can easily be “I thought of you.” Don’t overcomplicate it.

Spend a few minutes learning what this person has been up to by looking at their LinkedIn activity, recent articles or company news. Then ask how they’ve been while referencing something specific you’ve seen or heard. “Congratulations on the promotion to VP. How are you finding the new role?” is better than a generic “How have you been?” Specific questions show real interest and make it easy for them to respond with something meaningful.

Share A Broad-Strokes Update On Yourself

Catching up goes both ways, so give them a brief sense of where you are now. A few sentences about your current role or a recent milestone is plenty. The goal is to reintroduce yourself without turning the message into a resume. Keep this part brief if you can.

Match The Relationship in Your Tone

Write in a tone that reflects the relationship you actually had, and resist the urge to overstate how close you were. If they were senior to you, your writing style should reflect that. If they were a peer, you can be more casual.

Don’t Ask for Anything Other Than to Connect

You can end your message with a request to reconnect by phone, over Zoom or in person. In most cases, that should be your only ask. If a specific need prompted the outreach, such as realizing this person knows someone you’d like to meet during a job search, Betts advises refraining from that ask on a first reconnection note.

Keep Relationships Warm Going Forward

The easiest way to avoid this situation is to stay in touch before a relationship cools, and doing so doesn’t require calling people every day. Consider sending a quarterly or twice-yearly update to your network. Holiday cards are an even lower lift and still keep you top of mind. When someone reaches out to you, respond rather than letting the message sit indefinitely.

Some relationships will fade no matter how intentional you are. When that happens, reconnecting doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. The person on the other end is often just as glad to hear from you, and a thoughtful message can bring a valuable relationship back to life.

If this feels overwhelming, Betts says you do not need to stay in constant contact with everyone in your network. “You just want to avoid the pattern where the only time someone hears from you is when you need something,” she said. “That is the difference between maintaining a network and maintaining a relationship.”

And, if you think you’ve waited too long, Betts says: “The longer you wait, the more awkward it feels to you, but that does not mean it will feel awkward to them.”

You do not have to make up for the years in one message. Just reopen the door.