The squeaky wheel, the thorn in your side, the nemesis. They all exist to teach us something.

Back when I was engaged in brand strategy work, I would run cross-functional workshops with leaders and representatives from all areas of the business. Not just marketing, but the CEO, COO, sometimes CFO or Chief Legal Counsel, sales, engineering, product design, HR,. Folks with different perspectives on the customer and the product or service.

Marketing would sometimes push back against having that “one”in the room. The negative, often very vocal, high-performer who thought all this marketing stuff was fluff. The one who dismissed every idea or rubbed people the wrong way.

When I found out about this person, I would encourage, “Yes, absolutely, get that person in the room!” The squeaky wheel was needed to make everyone uncomfortable. They were usually the one asking the hard questions, pushing back, seemingly making everything harder. But they actually played a crucial role.

When faced when that kind of person on your team, whether as a direct report or a peer, the instinct is to manage them, work around them, or win the argument.

But what happens when you stop trying to win and start engaging your empathy to better understand? I would see it over and over again. This was the person who came up with the epiphany because they didn’t filter themselves. They challenged the status quo. And because someone was finally listening, they became the project’s most valuable evangelist.

Because, to quote a line from the musical Hamilton , they were in the room where it happened . They had a voice. They transparently saw how to decision was made. And they felt seen and heard, even if their ideas did not emerge victorious.

This is not a feel-good story about conflict resolution. It is a business strategy. The people who push back hardest often care the most. And leaders who know how to channel that energy don’t just diffuse conflict, they unlock innovation.

Why Most Leaders Get This Wrong

Most leaders treat disagreement as a problem to be solved rather than information to be mined. The instinct is to push through, outvote, or outlast the critic.

According to the Workplace Peace Institute’s 2024 State of Conflict in the Workplace report, 72% of organizations have no formal policy for handling conflict, and unresolved workplace conflict costs U.S. businesses an estimated $359 billion annually in lost productivity.

And what do they cite as their biggest trigger to workplace conflict? More than 70% say it’s a lack of trust.

As one Forbes contributor put it bluntly: “Conflict isn’t an occasional disruption in organizational life. It’s a steady undercurrent. And when leaders ignore it, the financial and cultural fallout can be significant.”

Why Empathy Is The Key To Making The Switch

Conflict in the workplace begs us to lean into my concept of Both/And leadership . Holding empathy and compassion in equal balance with accountability and results. Empathy does not mean agreeing with your critic or even caving into unreasonable demands. It means understanding someone else’s context or perspective. What drives them to think or act they way they do?Investigating that requires curiosity, not defensiveness.

Empathy builds trust. Trust that you as the leader have their backs, that you can be challenged without negative consequences, and that you will be compassionate when tough decisions need to be made. Trust doesn’t eliminate all conflict, nor should it, as a level of healthy conflict sparks innovation. But it does open ears and hearts that lead to productive conversations, rather than adversarial standoffs.

Research from Deloitte 2024 found that employees in highly trusted companies are 50 percent less likely to leave, 180 percent more likely to be motivated and 140 percent more likely to take on extra responsibilities.

Trust is built in disagreement, not when things are all sweetness and light. When a critic feels genuinely heard and sees how decisions are made, they stop fighting the process and start contributing to it.

The most effective leaders embrace that it is more important to get it right than to be right. A subtle yet important difference.

Three Things Empathetic Leaders Do To Turn Critics Into Champions

1. Get curious before you get defensive.

Even your nemesis has a right to be heard. Heck, they may even have a great idea. When someone pushes back, resist the urge to defend your position. Instead ask: What are you seeing that I might be missing? What would make this work for you? The magic three words you can always turn to when faced with conflict are “Tell me more”gets them talking. And start listening to what they say, not simply waiting for your turn to tell them why they’re wrong. The act of asking with genuine intent to hear them out shifts the entire dynamic. As one Forbes contributor notes , “Conflict doesn’t destroy relationships; mistrust and ego do. When we approach disagreements with curiosity and courage, we often find common ground we couldn’t see before.”

Sidenote: If you are meeting every challenge with defensiveness and fear, check yourself that your own tank is full. Lack of self-care frays nerves and shakes your foundation, often leaving you unable to take on other points of view or withstand criticism with a measured, curious response.

2. Make your decision-making visible.

One of the most powerful things you can do for a skeptic is show them how decisions get made. Back to my brand strategy workshop example, it’s how you turn your naysayers into evangelists. Not just what was decided, but why, what was considered, and how their input shaped it. When people feel included in the process, even when the outcome is not exactly what they wanted, they become invested in making it work and are better able to “disagree but commit.”

Sometimes, the mere act of bringing them in calms their sense of FOMO , insecurity, or invisibility that potentially could be triggering their fight or flight attitude in the first place.

3. Acknowledge what is valid in their pushback.

Even when you disagree with someone’s conclusion, there is almost always something legitimate in their concern. Name it out loud. “You’re raising something important here” goes further than any rebuttal. It signals that you are leading from conviction, not ego, and that you can hold your position and respect theirs at the same time. Perhaps their pushback is the exact thing the team needs to avoid groupthink from creeping in. That is Both/And leadership in action.

The most innovative, resilient organizations are not devoid of disagreement. They are the ones where dissent is welcomed, heard, and channeled into better decisions. Your biggest critic in the room is often the person who cares most about getting it right, and when they feel that you do too and you are willing to listen, they stop fighting you and start fighting for you.

The next time someone pushes back hard in a meeting, try this: thank them. Then get curious. The champion you need for your most important initiative might be sitting right across the table.